I miss you but I hate you

It’s been a month and he’s still in my head. It doesn’t hurt so much, it aches though. 

Like yes he’s an asshole and yes he’s a douchebag. And yes he doesn’t give two flying fucks about what he did. But I still lose a friend.

We were in the same Twitch chat, usually we’d both super happily say hi to each other. This time…we ignored each other’s existence and just talked to everyone else. It made me soooooo bloody sad and so angry cause he still wouldn’t talk to me. But it was that point I realised I lost a friend, a fucking awesome friend and…..he was fine with me not existing.

All I wanted to do was cry, and punch him and ruin his life. Then I remembered he has daughters, 3 of them. And some guy is gonna do this exact same thing to all 3 of his baby girls. And he’ll beat up every guy, threaten to kill them but that won’t stop his girls from crying over this guy. And I hope and pray to God he sits there and thinks of me. I doubt he will, cause he’s an asshole. But his daughters are gonna ask him why someone would do such a thing to them….and I hope he tells them the truth. Tells them that they’re worthless, greedy, heartless, soulless, motherfucking assholes who take from anyone and leave them like trash…like he did to me, and probably a whole bunch of other girls too.

Urrrrgeh this is highly irritating. Time will tell I guess, is there anything I can do about it? Probably not…oh maybe getting over it would help. Dammit

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